Life is pretty crazy these days. Women. Work. Moving. Graduation. Everything.

Dave and Bonnie. Mike and Emily. Myself and Bree...And Erin...And McKenzie..and Olivia...And Crista's still in the picture. I just don't even know anymore.

I feel lost. Empty. Without a meaning to being a live. I've lost my purpose. I've lost my sense of life. I feel lonely, abandoned, and empty. I feel lost. Das Wandern.

Erin. I am fucking sick of it. I wanna stop, but then I get this waning glimpse of hope that draws me back. Is it a game? Am I just seeing things? I don't know. But I just wanna say to her:

"Look, I'm sick of this. What the fuck is this? It's not a relationship. It's not even a friendship We see eachother rarely if that. Do you even want to see me? You don't make time to see me. Is all you want a little text-buddy? Doubtful, because you don't even respond to those. I'm sck of this shit. I'm sick of this little "way" that I have to work around in order to make anything happen. I'm sick of being called a "little girl" any time I show even the slightest hint of trying to make a personal connection. I'm sick of guessing games. I'm sick of waiting with bated breath after I send a text, thinking 'will she even reply?' I feel like I'm in a dying relationshp with a girlfriend who's cheating on me...and we're only friends! I'm fighting like it's a RELATIONSHIP just to maintain a FRIENDSHIP. Fuck that. I'm out."

But will I? No. Because I'm a little Sally. I'm horny and want to get with her. She's cool and I like having her as a friend. But MAN, dealing with her little "way" can be SO annoying. Sending her a text and not knowing if she'll ever respond makes me want to fucking throw my phone out the window and just fucking kick a puppy or some shit. Having to watch my words, guard my persona, and try to remain aloof all at the same time just so I don't "scare her off" is so fucking troublesome. Motto mendokuse da ne. I just don't even fucking know any more. It's like, I have feelings for her, not very strong, but I have them. I mean, I don't want a relationship with her, like AT ALL. The only girl I'd even CONSIDER getting in a relationship with is Bree, and she's gone in 3 months so that's outta the question. I'd just like having her as a friend, and maybe a little something more on the side...if ya know what I mean -.^

But fuck it. I don't even care anymore. I took her off my facebook and myspace. She's not in my phone, and I erase all my entries from her after a little texting thing. I don't initiate conversation much if ever anymore. Hopefully she'll fght to keep it alive or it'll just kinda die. Both are possible now that summer's creeping up. We'll see.

Oh...and Fuck Rachel.